Julian Price

Sounds Like "Breast" - Betrayed By Rhyme and Embarrassing Situations


Posted: Monday, September 07, 2009

by
http://www.uk-freelance-content-writer.co.uk/

I have recently started a freelance journalism course, perhaps a bit late in the day considering I have loved writing my whole life but better late than even later, yes? This course I have started requires me to subscribe to certain, on topic materials, magazines etc.

At the weekend I decided to see if I could get hold of one of the publications at the newsagents in town so I could buy issue by issue rather than paying a full subscription fee up front. Now this particular newsagent is pretty good, stocking a comprehensive range of magazines and newspapers, all genres catered for.

I began perusing what seemed to be a mile long row of units containing all the magazines, pausing here and there when I spotted something interesting or vaguely subject related. An unknown number of minutes later and convinced I had scanned the area at least three times, I gave up and decided to ask for assistance as there was no sign of the magazine I needed.

The winding line that led to the scouring and somewhat terrifying formation of checkout assistants was long and unavoidable, as there were none of those "floating" assistants that operate in some stores.

I did eventually arrive at the front of the queue only to be met by probably the scariest looking of all the would be cashiers, who sort of grunted at me in disgust, nodding at my empty hands and translating by the power of fear, that I had no right to be there without a purchase and that she had already sussed out that I was merely going to waste her time with an inane question, which I promptly asked.

"I was wondering if you stocked the Press Gazette in this store, please?" and smiled in the hope it would prevent me from being eaten! The "lady" hesitated, screwed up her face like she had just devoured a plate full of Brussels sprouts and mumbled in monotone, "If we have it, it should be on the shelves, if we don't have it, it won't be there." Astounded by this revelation, I was about to grudgingly say thank you and walk away when the most amazing thing happened, she offered further assistance!

"Let me ask my colleague, she might have a better idea." Glancing quickly at the colleague in question, I didn't fancy my chances. What I didn't realise was that the terror had only just began!

In what I am sure was her loudest, most bellowing voice, akin to the volume of someone singing really bad karaoke, really badly and really loudly, she announced to her colleague, "This gentleman is looking for the Breast Gazette, do we stock it?" Breast Gazette, where did she get that from?

Now if I was a blusher, I would have been maroon at this point, as I searched for the nearest hole in the ground to plunge myself into. As I looked for this imaginary hole, I noticed that the line behind me had grown "thousands" deep and there were ripples of sniggering and muttering.

There was no sniggering from the storm troopers in front of me, just growls of disgust and a fairly straight forward answer of "No!" I considered time travelling to a far away sandy beach but had not yet mastered this ability.

Needless to say, I then shrank several feet and beat a hasty retreat, eyes firmly shut, vowing to always make future magazine subscriptions online and never to visit that store again.

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Julian has diplomas in freelance journalism (with distinction), copywriting and proofreading. He is also a creative writer and poet who writes both professionally and for pleasure. Julian has written articles for an internet marketing company and although this medium is often restricted by topic, his writing still maintains a unique and often humourous style, with many of his articles achieving good results on search engines. He has found the discipline involved with this kind of work to be a great writing exercise and believes it enhances and improves other areas of his writing. Julian is becoming an established freelance writer and many of his articles here at searchwarp are a showcase of the variety and quality of his work.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Jo
from UK 2 years 130 days ago.
How mortifying! But I suppose if she was hard of hearing or if there was a lot of background noise...it does sound like Press Gazette.....Don't suppose there are many takers of that publication in the area and they certainly wouldn't fly off the shelves. I would have been crimson and probably would have shouted at her before sloping off!!   It is really very funny though...
» left by Julian Price 2 years 130 days ago.
59 fans. Follow Julian Price on twitter!
Thanks for the comment Jo! You know its embarrassing when even the thought of someone else going through it makes you grimace! lol Julian:)
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